>> I'M A DOCTOR, SO IT'S ALWAYS BEEN PART OF MY JOB TO KEEP UP ON THE LATEST DISCOVERIES IN MEDICAL SCIENCE.

I LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT POTENTIALLY RISKY THINGS, FOR MY PATIENTS AND FOR ME.

THAT WAY I CAN MAKE SURE TO AVOID THEM.

LIKE WHEN THEY SAID SUN EXPOSURE CAUSES SKIN CANCER, BOOM, JUST LIKE THAT, I WAS DONE.

THREW AWAY ALL MY COPPERTONE TANNING BUTTER.

EVEN GOT RID OF MY THONG BIKINI.

OR WHEN SOME BRANDS OF SMUCKERS PEANUT BUTTER WERE RECALLED BECAUSE OF POSSIBLE CONTAMINATION WITH SALMONELLA.

PEOPLE WERE SHOCKED, EVEN THOUGH SMUCKERS ALREADY SOUNDS LIKE THE NAME OF A SERIOUS DISEASE.

WELL, THE TESTS ARE BACK, AND I'M AFRAID -- YOU MEAN -- YES.

YOU HAVE SMUCKERS.

NOW A NEW STUDY SHOWS THAT HIGH LEVELS OF PARTICLES IN THE AIR CAN CAUSE AN INCREASE IN SOME KINDS OF CANCER.

THE HIGHER THE LEVELS, THE HIGHER THE RISK.

THESE PARTICLES COME FROM CARS, SMOKESTACKS AND BURNING VEGETATION, SO FORGET ABOUT DRIVING TO THE BONFIRE DOWN AT THE POWER PLANT.

THEN I READ THIS OTHER REPORT, WHICH SAYS THAT HIGHER LEVELS OF CERTAIN METALS IN THE DRINKING WATER SUPPLY ARE CAUSING AN INCREASE IN LUNG INFECTIONS, ESPECIALLY IN PEOPLE WITH SERIOUS LUNG DISEASE.

THE MOST DANGEROUS ONES SEEM TO BE MOLYBDENUM AND VANADIUM, WHICH WOULD BOTH BE EXCELLENT NAMES FOR THRASH METAL ROCK BANDS.

THE HIGH LEVELS OF METALS COME FROM INDUSTRIAL RUNOFF AND EROSION OF WATER PIPES, YOU KNOW, LIKE THE ONES IN YOUR BASEMENT.

SO I WOULDN'T WORRY, UNLESS YOUR HOUSE HAS RUNNING WATER.

HUH.

SO BASICALLY, ACCORDING TO THESE RECENT FINDINGS, WE'LL ALL BE SAFE AS LONG AS WE DON'T DRINK THE WATER OR BREATHE THE AIR.

GOOD TO KNOW.

IF ANYONE NEEDS ME, I'LL BE INSIDE HIDING UNDER MY BED.

I MEAN, AS FAR AS WE KNOW, BEDS ARE STILL SAFE, RIGHT?